Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
