Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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