this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
