That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize