I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
