totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
