Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
