dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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