Please, let me fuck your mom
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
