Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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