He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
