i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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