On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
