the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
