there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
