why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
