Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
