i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
