Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
