It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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