the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
