Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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