My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
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