Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
