She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
