Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
