He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
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