my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
