do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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