I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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