i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize