Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
