I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
