so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
