umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
