He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
