I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
