So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize