Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
