My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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