Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
