id be glad to
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
We're too hungover to prance.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
