I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
