A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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