How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
