Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
