It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize