The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Mom said you looked used
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
