this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
