Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
not ubering you a puppy
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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