PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Randomize
