I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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