She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
