I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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