So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize