Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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