I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
