he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize