whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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