the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
