Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
