you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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