I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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