Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize