so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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