If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
