i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I have demons in me.
Too much gin, very little bucket
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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