If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Randomize
