why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Randomize
