you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
