You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
