Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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