So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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