when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
