I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
