mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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